I turned fifty-two years old yesterday. Rather than celebrating, I managed to get food poisoning the day before and spent most of yesterday enduring it. Unfortunately, I’m still dealing with it today. Not good.
Oh well. Fifty-two. For some, I’m still a spring chicken. They hear that number and think, “I wish I were turning fifty-two.” On the other hand, some of the children in our church’s school hear it and think I’m very nearly a funeral’s guest of honor. In a sense, both are admitting that time is short or, as Yeats so famously said, “From our birthday, until we die, is but the winking of an eye.”
Indeed, time is brief—abruptly so.
I don’t know about you, but as I get older, especially on my birthday, I experience a tension of sorts. There’s a strange pushing and pulling between anxiousness and contentment. I’m anxious because I know it’s very likely I’ve passed the halfway point of my life, and when I compare that knowledge with what the next fifty years are likely to bring—marriages, grandchildren, great-grandchildren, gatherings with an ever-increasing Thoma family, and so many other joyful things—I want so much to share in as much of those times as possible. And yet, I know my end will come during or before many of those times’ beginnings, so I probably won’t.
I know Jennifer feels the same way. We’ve talked about it, sometimes with tears. And while it’s not a constant topic of conversation, when we do find ourselves wandering along this garden path of discussion—our joints popping and our muscles getting sorer than they used to—there’s a contentment to be had by the surrounding flora. Life will forever be so much more than what we see in the distance. It’s here and now, and its slowly unfurling blossoms are just as splendid as its flowers in full bloom.
Birthdays are nice. And yet, I wonder sometimes if it is better simply to celebrate life without the numbers. I mean, if calendars were no more, would I even know my age? I suppose what I would know is that through faith in Christ, whether twenty-two, fifty-two, or ninety-two, I’m God’s child, and I live by His grace alone. Indeed, it would be for me to know that the “steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning” (Lamentations 3:22-23). Indeed, Christians live each day’s unfurling hope, and “we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day” (2 Corinthians 4:16).
For the believer, Saint Paul describes another tension here—a better tension of “right now but not yet.”
For Paul, hope longs for a particular future even as it owns and exists in that very future right here and now. Another way to think of it is that Christians, while mortal, do not enter eternity when they die. They are in it right now. Baptized into Christ Jesus and believing in Him, eternity has already begun. Sure, we see our bodies wasting away as though time is running out. In a purely mortal sense, it is, and with its wasting away goes all the hopes and dreams tied to this world’s timeline. However, Paul noted previously in 1 Corinthians 15:53-54 that mortality is already swallowed up and owned by immortality, or quite literally in verse 53, that which is “death-like” (θνητὸν) must “eventually put on” (ἐνδύσασθαι) and be seen and exist in “deathlessness” (ἀθανασίαν).
That’s the “not yet” future that we own and exist in right now.
Just like everyone else, I’m wasting away with each birthday. I know that whatever mortal futures are in store for the forthcoming Thoma generations are something I won’t see or experience. However, the outward undoneness that seems to suggest I’m only getting further and further from that future simply cannot keep pace with the inner renewal being worked within me by the power of the Holy Spirit for faith. This renewal is sourced from the horizon of eternal life with Christ. Faith has already situated me in and for a time and place outside of time where all the generational blooms in my Christian family that I didn’t see in this life will be gathered into a splendid bouquet of grandeur at the table of the Lamb’s high feast. I’ll be surrounded by generations that I never walked or talked with in this life, and yet we were already bound together by faith for eternity and destined for an incredible family reunion.
Until then, I intend to enjoy as many of the blooms and forthcoming blossoms as the Lord allows, giving thanks to God for all of it.
Cruciform Stuff 