I probably don’t need to point this out, but betrayal is the worst. To trust someone, only to feel the security of that trust torn away, is a sensation unlike any other. One could say it goes almost beyond physical pain. It may even be a pain equivalent to demon possession. I once heard demon possession described as a ferociously rabid animal trapped inside a person and trying to claw its way out. It tears and gnashes from the inside. The pain of betrayal—the sting born from a trusted friend’s infidelity—starts in one’s middle. It claws through the immaterial sphere of emotion into the material world. A pierced heart eventually feeds its suffering to the body’s extremities.

One starts to think that even Death would be better. At least Death’s enmity is reliable. There’s no bait and switch. It meets and gives to every living thing precisely as it promises. Betrayal, on the other hand, presents itself kindly while holding a knife behind its back. And when the time is right, it massacres trust with selfish concern.

It certainly isn’t easy to repair a betrayed relationship. That’s because, like any structure, genuine friendships have foundational components like honesty, history, loyalty, and honor. Take away any of those underpinnings, and the structure topples. The French poet, Nicolas Boileau-Despréaux, wrote that a person’s honor “is like a rugged island without a shore; once you have left it, you cannot return.” Betrayal is the boat into which honor willfully climbs and starts rowing away. Relative to friendship’s construction, betrayal explodes each of its crucial supports. In the end, the relationship has two choices when it collapses: scrap it or start rebuilding.

It seems we live in a world more inclined toward scrapping relationships. Set aside deliberate betrayal for a moment. For some in today’s world, a trivial misunderstanding is all it takes to flush a lifelong friendship down the proverbial toilet. Unfortunately, I know this. I know it not only because I’ve experienced it but because I’ve done it. Looking back at both, I wish I hadn’t. When someone scrapped me, I should have pursued the person. When I scrapped someone else, I should have tried to rebuild. But I didn’t. I walked away. I’m incredibly sorry I did. I’ve repented of this foolishness, and I fight the flesh in similar situations by God’s gracious strength. As a Christian, I’m gratefully nagged by an understanding of forgiveness’s power—giving and receiving it. Of sinners, I am the foremost (1 Timothy 1:15). And yet, even as the foremost of sinful betrayers, Christ died for me (Romans 5:8). His death won my eternity, and by the power of the Holy Spirit for faith, He’s made me His friend. He pursued me. He forgave me. His forgiveness repairs. His forgiveness rebuilds. His forgiveness instills the readiness to rebuild with others.

Admittedly, a readiness to rebuild doesn’t assure restoration’s success in a thoroughly sinful world. If you actually succeed at reconciliation, there’s no guarantee the relationship will be as it was before. It simply means you know real hope. You’ve met hope in the person and work of Christ, and now you prefer it to despair. Christian hope can navigate a world of throw-away relationships undermined by the simplest mistakes or the worst betrayals. It is willing to invest in a relationship’s repair because it knows the value of friendship. A car driven into a tree and then repaired will never be the same as it was. It’ll have parts that rattle. It’ll need extra attention. But it can still drive its occupants to the same locations. It can still carry its passengers to the same goals.

I’ll just come right out and say that I experienced significant betrayal this past week. It was the kind that really hurts. Still, I intend to pursue the relationship’s healing, not because I know I can fix it, but because I know Christ can. Looking to Him, the perfect Son of God who forgave me—the One who was not only betrayed into Death by those closest to Him but was victimized on a cosmic scale by the world He created and loved—I can certainly invite a former friend to join me in the rubble as I examine the damage and attempt to rebuild. If you’ve ever experienced the same, then I’m assuming you can, too.