Summer is nearly upon us. The weather is finally admitting as much. I give thanks to the Lord for this. Throughout the school year, the pace is much swifter around here, to be sure. Summertime allows more scheduling freedom, and as a result, things slow down a little. Of course, the calendar’s empty slots always fill up. There’s plenty to do. I can tell you that I’m already sufficiently booked into and through the first week of August. Still, as Michigan’s colder weather shrinks back into hiding for a few months, so also goes the guilt I might have for stopping to actually engage in something that has almost nothing to do with pastoring, something I might also enjoy—like figuring out how to lift my Jeep’s suspension an inch or two, or replacing the toilet in our downstairs bathroom, or putting a drop ceiling in our basement guest room.

One thing I do every summer is read. Of course, I read the scriptures. But I also pick away at classics. I’ve already decided on Jack London’s The Call of the Wild. That won’t take me long, so I’ll need something more. I decided to do something a little different. Those who know me best will know I’m keen on sci-fi/horror films. Although, I’ve never spent money on books from that genre. I decided to give the Rage War series by Tim Lebbon a try. It’s a three-volume series about the Yautja (the creatures from the Predator films) invading the earth, only to team up with the humans to fight against another unknown force unleashing xenomorphs (the creatures from the Alien films) across the galaxy. I likely wouldn’t have purchased these volumes if our school’s wonderful PTL hadn’t given me a gift card to Barnes and Noble. I blame them for this eagerly anticipated distraction.

I don’t expect these books to be anything but outlandishly fun, and I doubt I’ll discover anything worth quoting. Perhaps like me, you don’t like to mark up the pages of your books. I’ll usually bend the page’s corner if I find something worth revisiting. Plenty of books I own have these little bends. However, on occasion, I’ll underline something. Flipping through my edition of The Call of the Wild, on page 100, the following is underlined: “It was idle, he knew, to get between a fool and his folly….”

Thorton, a character well-versed in the Yukon’s ways, mulls this thought relative to Hal, an inexperienced and ignorantly vain character who has no idea how to care for, let alone drive, a dog sled team. Regardless of the context London has fashioned, the point is memorable, if not for its simplicity. Human beings are going to do what they want to do. Being the time of year for graduations, I’ve begun noticing this in the ever-increasing irreverence at commencement ceremonies. Ask the crowd to hold their applause, and they’ll clap anyway. Expect solemnity from the onlookers, and you’ll get airhorns and ear-piercing woot-woot screams. Moreover, people have the uncanny ability to be so prideful that they’ll do incredibly foolish things, even things that could ruin or destroy them. Perhaps more tragically, no matter how hard a person—a trusted friend, a sibling, a parent—might try to get between a person and self-destroying things, doing everything possible to coax them away from folly’s edge, unless they realize the nature of their self-centered predicament and accept the better direction, tragedy is all but guaranteed. They will fall. And it won’t be pretty.

I’ve noticed something else in my time as a professional church worker, this being my 29th year. The one trying to help often holds the most guilt, wishing more could have been done to prevent the disaster. A son, even after his mother’s tearful warnings, makes a life-altering mistake, and it’s Mom who cries herself to sleep, wondering where she went wrong. A daughter strays into an abusive relationship, and it’s Dad who grows visibly older with burdensome worry, wondering if he could’ve been a better, more affectionate example.

Erma Bombeck referred to this kind of grief-stricken guilt as the gift that keeps on giving.

Saint Paul said something a little different about it. He wrote, “For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death” (2 Corinthians 7:10). The word Paul uses twice for grief is λύπη. Essentially, it means mental turmoil. It’s a pain of the mind marked by agony and regret. As a father, I can assure you that parents are more than prone to this kind of grief. Close friends are, too.

Interestingly, in both instances, Paul takes care to modify the word. The first time, he couples it with “godly.” In the second instance, he attaches “worldly.” By doing this, he’s not saying that grief isn’t real or that it doesn’t hurt, but that there’s a distinct difference between the guilt-ridden heartache we endure by faith and the sorrow-laden regret borne according to human capacity. In short, godly grief has hope. It finds a footing in repentance and is met by God’s loving promises for a regretless future. The other has none of this. The other leads into the sinister depths of eternal sorrow and the end of all human hope, namely, Death.

If you were to visit the verse before verse 10, you’d see Paul commends godly grief, saying he’s glad for the harder moments that stir repentance. He’s not reveling in the pain, but he’s glad for what the pain produces.

There’s something going on here. If anything, a byproduct of godly grief is clarity. Saint Peter hinted at this in a way when he encouraged us to remember something. He wrote: “The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance” (2 Peter 3:9).

When all human effort to help a loved one seems long spent and all hope appears lost, Peter brings us to something else. He reminds us that God’s timing rarely aligns with ours. God’s pace is His own. But no matter His stride, He’s dealing with us patiently. His desire for all human beings is to reach the uplands of repentance. What does this mean relative to what I’ve written so far? Well, let me think about that out loud for a second.

Firstly, I’d say we need to realize that we can’t live others’ lives for them. A mom cannot live her son’s life. Likewise, a dad cannot forever make his daughter’s choices for her. A friend does not control another friend’s will. The sooner we accept this, the better.

Secondly, Mother Teresa was right when she said, “We are not called to be successful, but faithful.” She didn’t come up with that on her own. The Bible taught her to say it (Luke 16:10-12; 2 Corinthians 5:7; Revelation 2:10; Matthew 10:22; and countless more). The point is that by the power of the Holy Spirit, we seek faithfulness to God in any given situation, even when we feel completely powerless to do or say anything of significance. Still, be faithful. Trust Him. Faith knows He’ll take even the most insignificant of one’s words, gestures, or whatever and put them to good use. He’s got you.

Thirdly, things might appear to go south no matter what we do. And when things don’t go as planned, there will be guilt. There will be grief. But let it be godly grief. Again, godly grief still hurts. This is only true because it’s honest. It’s self-examining. It wonders if it could’ve been more attentive, less critical, or whatever. That’s what desiring faithfulness often feels like. It wishes it could be more faithful. But amid its sadness, godly grief remembers something of God. It knows His forgiveness, the kind that covers regret. It also knows the game isn’t necessarily over. It knows that even though nothing we do seems to bring the results we want, we’re not in charge. God is, and He’s moving behind the scenes at His best, most perfect pace according to His steadfast love. Godly grief knows He’s listening to our prayers. It knows the kind of love driving Him aims at rescue—at working to instill repentance and faith.

That’s hope. That’s confidence in God’s love. God’s love dispels the gloom. There is no fear in that love (1 John 4:17-18). It knows that just as we don’t want to lose our loved ones to ungodliness leading to eternal separation in Death, neither does God.

And so, we continue praying while standing ready to act when necessary. This process may last a lifetime. We may never live to see anything change. Still, we know by faith that it could. Who knows for sure if it will? Only God. Either way, we can be at peace. We can continue to be faithful, not necessarily successful.

Be encouraged by this.